The Simple Rule That Helps Me Stop Overthinking Everything

I’ve always been the kind of person whose brain refuses to rest. A single unread text can feel like a personal rejection. An awkward laugh in a group setting keeps me replaying the scene like a broken record hours later. A small change in plans can set off a spiral of what-ifs and worst-case scenarios that no one but me even notices. Overthinking is my daily workout, except it leaves me tired without any of the benefits.

And here’s the ironic part: I’m the older sibling, but I’ve always been the high-strung one. My younger brother is the exact opposite — calm, level-headed, rarely ruffled by anything. If life throws him curveballs, he doesn’t panic, he adjusts. Sometimes it feels like he’s the actual older sibling, guiding me through the mess in my head.

A while ago, he introduced me to something so simple I almost dismissed it: the 5-5-5 rule. And paired with what he calls the “three whys,” it’s become one of the most practical ways I’ve found to deal with my anxiety. These two tools don’t erase my spirals, but they give me a way to stop them from taking over.

This is how I use them — and why I swear by them now.

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The 5-5-5 Rule Explained

The 5-5-5 rule is as straightforward as it gets. When something starts to stress me out, I pause and ask myself three questions:

Will this matter in five minutes?

Will this matter in five days?

Will this matter in five years?

That’s it. Three checkpoints. A tiny reality filter.

What it does is force me to zoom out. When I’m caught in the heat of a spiral, my brain convinces me this is the end of the world. But nine times out of ten, the thing I’m panicking over doesn’t even make it past the five-day mark. And if it fails the five-year test? That’s my signal to let it go.

The beauty of it is how quickly it shrinks the problem back down to its actual size. My mind has a habit of inflating things until they feel enormous. The 5-5-5 rule is like a pin that bursts that balloon.

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The Three Whys

As if the 5-5-5 wasn’t enough, my brother paired it with another tool: the three whys.

This is how it goes. I’ll tell him, “I’m stressing about this deadline.” He asks me why. I answer, “Because I don’t think I’ll finish on time.” He asks again, why. I say, “Because I keep procrastinating.” He presses once more, why. And by the third why, the truth is usually staring me in the face. Either the stress doesn’t actually have substance, or I finally see the real reason I’m spiraling.

It’s frustrating in the moment, because it forces me to strip away the drama and excuses. But it works. By the time I reach the third why, I’ve either run out of reasons to be anxious or I’ve uncovered the root cause I can actually deal with.

It’s like holding up a mirror to my own thought process — one that’s a lot less forgiving than I usually am with myself.

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Building My Mental Decision Tree

The 5-5-5 rule and the three whys together have become what I think of as my mental decision tree. Instead of running wild through the forest of what-ifs, I guide myself down a structured path that leads me somewhere useful.

Here’s how I use it in real life:

• Step one: Pause and breathe. I don’t always remember to do this, but when I do, it makes everything easier.

• Step two: Run the 5-5-5 filter. I ask myself the three time-check questions. If the problem doesn’t make it past the five-day mark, I know it’s not worth the mental energy.

• Step three: If I’m still unsettled, I move to the three whys. This is where I dig deeper until I uncover the real reason I’m spiraling.

• Step four: Whatever remains after that becomes an action step. Send the email, have the conversation, break the task into smaller chunks. The point is to move forward, not sit frozen.

  
  

This little process keeps me grounded. It doesn’t make my anxiety disappear, but it stops it from multiplying unchecked.

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Why It Works For Me

What makes the 5-5-5 rule and the three whys powerful is that they force me out of my emotions and into logic. I’m someone who feels deeply, and those feelings can easily take over. But these tools are like guardrails that guide me back toward reality.

They remind me that not everything deserves the amount of space I give it in my head. They let me breathe, zoom out, and keep moving forward.

What I love about the rule is how easy it is to use. It doesn’t require apps, notebooks, or a twenty-minute meditation. It’s just three questions, asked anywhere, anytime.

It also feels flexible. I’ve used it for small, silly moments and for bigger stressors, and it works for both. It’s become the first tool I reach for when my brain starts racing.

And honestly, I love that it came from my brother. Advice feels different when it’s wrapped in personal connection. Every time I use it, it feels like a little piece of his calm is stitched into me.

That said, I know this isn’t a cure. It helps me manage overthinking, but it doesn’t erase deeper anxiety. There are times when no rule can quiet my mind, and in those cases, I remind myself that seeking professional help isn’t weakness — it’s wisdom. Tools like this are best for everyday spirals, not for situations where anxiety feels crippling or constant.

Another limitation is remembering to use it. In the middle of a spiral, the last thing I think of is rules. Sometimes I only remember hours later, when I’ve already wasted half the day worrying. But I’m learning to catch myself earlier with practice.

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When I spiral, my brother is usually the first person I call. And while I’m ranting, voice raised, talking myself in circles, he sits quietly until I run out of steam. Then, in his maddeningly calm voice, he’ll say something like: “Will this even matter in a week?” And in that moment, I hate how right he is.

That’s the thing about advice from him — it sticks because it’s rooted in who he is. He doesn’t just tell me about the 5-5-5 rule; he embodies it. Every time I use it, it feels like borrowing a little of his steadiness.

Love,

Rae

Image Credits - Alina Matveycheva